


My Anaconda Don't

by orphan_account



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 05:49:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3925216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaime invites Jack to party and plays a certain song by Nicki Minaj known as Anaconda. Hilarity ensues.<br/>Crack!</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Anaconda Don't

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry Jack! Anyway Rise of the guardians is owned by Dreamworks and Anaconda is owned by Nicki Minaj.

 

          Jaime was fifteen and had invited Jack to a party. He could still see him which surprised Jack but Jack agreed anyway. When he got there however he was tackled by Jaime.

          “SURPRISE!” The teen screamed, knocking Jack to the floor.

Jack didn’t move when Jaime got up which worried him a bit.

          “Jack?” He asked as he helped him up. Suddenly a song began to play in the stereo.

          “ _My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun_

_Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit_

_Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins_

_Was in shootouts with the law, but he live in a palace_

_Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish_.” Jack started laughing at the lyrics as they continued.

          “ _Now that's real, real, real,_

_Gun in my purse, b*tch I came dressed to kill_

_Who wanna go first? I had 'em pushing daffodils_

_I'm high as hell, I only took a half of pill_

_I'm on some dumb sh*t_ ” Jack was speechless. His only response was to blink.

          “ _By the way, what he say?_

_He can tell I ain't missing no meals_

_Come through and f*** 'em in my automobile_ ” At this point Jack spit out his drink.

          “ _Let him eat it with his grills,_

_He keep telling me to chill_

_He keep telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal_

_He said he don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab_

_So I pulled up in the Jag, and I hit 'em with the jab like..._

_Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun_

_My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun_

 

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Look at her butt (look at her butt)_

_This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles_

_D*** bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's_

_Real country a** n****, let me play with his rifle_ ” Jack screamed and fell out of his chair with shock as the song continued.

          “ _Pu*** put his a** to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil_

_Now that bang bang bang,_

_I let him hit it 'cause he slang Cocaine_

_He toss my salad like his name Romaine_

_And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain_

_I'm on some dumb s***_

By the way, what he say?

_He can tell I ain't missing no meals_

_Come through and f*** 'em in my automobile_

_Let him eat it with his grills,_

_He keep telling me to chill_

_He keep telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal_

_Because he don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab_

_So I pulled up in the Jag, Mayweather with the jab like..._

_Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun”_ Jack slowly got up from the floor and sat back down.

 

_“My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Look at her butt (look at her butt)_

_Little in the middle but she got much back_

_Little in the middle but she got much back_

_Little in the middle but she got much back_

_Oh my God (look at her butt)_

_My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't..._

_My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun_

_(Don't don't don't) My Anaconda don't..._

_(Don't don't don't) Don't want none unless you got buns hun_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

_Oh my God (look at her butt)_

_Yeah, he love this fat a**_

_Yeah! This one is for my b*tches with a fat a** in the f***ing club_

_I said, "Where my fat a** big b*tches in the club?"_

_F*** them skinny b*tches,_

_F*** them skinny b*tches in the club_

_I wanna see all the big fat a** b*tches in the motherf***ing club_

_F*** you if you skinny b*tches. What? Yeah. Ha-ha, ha..._

 

_Yeah. I got a big fat a**. Come on! “_ Jack was hiding under the table.

          “Is it safe to come out?” His voice asked from under the table. Jaime laughed as he helped him up. Jack froze himself with embarrassment to which Jaime pouted as he grabbed Jack’s staff and started to poke the ice.

          “Come on, come out of there!” He pouted. Jack refused as Jaime continued to poke the ice.

          “Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!” He called, putting his lips to the ice. That turned out to be a mistake as his lips were now frozen. Jaime continued to poke the ice as he was now pouting. Jack eventually thawed out after the party, his entire face having turned red.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
